My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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