sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
