By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You need Xanax blowdarts
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize