Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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