So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
