You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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