once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
