please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
