Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
