if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can you bring me the toilet please
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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