Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
