I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize