There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize
