How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
