So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
