ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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