You work out of a Hotel?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
