No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
