I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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