Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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