My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
