you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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