mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
