we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
