Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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