Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
