yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
