there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
