I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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