dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
