I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
