accomplished twins. life is a go
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
