his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
