All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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