....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
