Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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