I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
NoShamevember. You game?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
