So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
