I can text with my tongue
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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