They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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