So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
