I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think pants incapable of making pants work
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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