the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
