I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
