Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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