i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize