you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
