its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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