im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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