I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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