Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
