All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
