I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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