Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
