sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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