Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
