He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
