For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
