Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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