so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
try to milk me bitch
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