best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
NoShamevember. You game?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
