bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
