I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize