Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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