hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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