We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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