I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
