Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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