Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize