that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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