I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
