and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
