Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
