You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
