By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
