she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
