I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
