pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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