Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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