zippers are such a cool invention
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
this hospital has no fireball
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
