she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize