Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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