plz talk dirty to me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
