threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
