Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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