I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
