I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
