He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
