Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize