Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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