i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the day after is always just damage control
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
