when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
