Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
