dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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