no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
