dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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