Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
